Tend your garden


One of the most important things in life is having the comforting feeling of knowing that in this big world we’re not alone, that there is always someone in our corner to help us get through the rough patches we come across. It can be very upsetting after a traumatic event has occurred that those whom we trust and love suddenly turn their backs on us, it’s may feel the traumatic event has happened all over again.

I’m going to be honest with you ladies, I’ve experienced this more times than I’d like to admit and slowly but surely I’ve learned that in your darkest despair only then will you know the true nature of those who you call friends and family. The truth is anyone can be around when times are good and life is so bright, but what happens when that light becomes dim is what really matters because we don’t need someone complaining about how bright that light use to be, we need someone to help us change the damn bulb.

We all have “Negative Nancys ” in our lives in one form or another, but when you come across a person who is affecting the way you heal, someone who doesn’t want to see you recover or someone who is jealous of the attention & help you’re getting that person is standing in the way of you and your transformation and there should never be a slight hesitation in your mind of what needs to be done.

Recovery is never easy, there are many oppositions that you come across and there’s a lot of self -doubt that’s exactly why it’s the perfect time for you to discriminate and decide who and what in your life stays and go’s. In many instances, we see things taking a turn for the worst, but we hold on because it’ll be one more thing we lose control of, I’m going to say this once: LET IT GO…. Just let it go! Maybe in the past you had the time and energy to fuss and fight with friends and family, trying to convince them that you are worth their time, but now the time has come for you to tend your garden.

Think of it from this standpoint, a garden can only grow and thrive if it’s retaining the proper nutrients, from the soil to the correct amount of sunlight, everything needs to be working together, if the things that help the garden flourish become unhealthy and the status never changes eventually the illness will spread and there will be nothing left, inevitably the garden will die off. The same holds true for a person with toxicity in their life.
Once you have identified a toxic relationship, the main thing to do is ask yourself a few things:

How did this person enter your life? Why did you allow them to stick around?
The truth is, if this person isn’t a relative 9 times out of 10 you invited this person into your life. Ask yourself what about this person attracted you to them and does that still hold true.

What do you want from the person that you aren’t getting? What about this person(s) causes stress and heartache?
You need to identify what it is that is making you unhappy, in some cases it may not even be the person, maybe you’re so stressed that the presence of the person stresses you out. In a situation like that, maybe you should consider time apart.

Have you addressed your issues with the person whom you consider to be toxic?
We expect people to know when we’re in pain and that they aren’t being the person we need them to be for us. The reality is most people aren’t mind readers, we can’t hold them accountable if we aren’t clear on our expectations. A friend may be scared to ask you about what you’re feeling because they don’t want toe make you feel bad, but in your mind it may appear as though they simply don’t care. You have to speak up and talk to those who may be hurting you.

Once you ask yourself the questions above, you should be able to adjust your life accordingly, you have to put yourself first for the sake of yourself and realize every relationship isn’t meant to last forever and that’s okay.
I hope this post served you in some form, I hope that you find the courage to leave people who are putting a strain on your self-care and I pray you find the right people who want to see noting more than for you to be happy and healthy
Talk back to me, I’d like to hear back from you, tell me do you think it’s appropriate to cut people out of your life even if you care about them? At what point would you let friendships die on the vine?

Happily Healed Mom Out~

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