Breaking Badass- My struggle with anxiety & what I’ve learned

Last week was a very hard week for me, in fact, I described this week as the worst week of the century, how do ya like them apples? Many people look at me and see a woman well put together, but in fact I have a disorder which I work hard at containing, some days are great, some days are bad, and once a decade I have a horrible day(s) in which I label as the worst day, week, or month of the century, this week was my once a decade. Ever since I can remember I’ve struggled with anxiety both general and social the older I get the worse it gets I believe it has always been able to manifest due to my belief that It was uncontrollable although I’ve grown to understand that is not the case, it’s still a fight to take control of something that was uncontrolled for so long.

Back to the “worst week of the century”, Last Sunday I got a call about an opportunity I inquired  that would propel my career further, I was to sit down with the founder of a company and discuss my services that Monday, I was a bit anxious during the call because it was pretty much an interview, but it was routine questions so it wasn’t that bad. Monday rolled around and I had told myself that everything will be fine no matter what, It would be great if I got the opportunity, but I wasn’t going to stress over it. As I got to the location I was surprised at the calmness that was me, it was a very beautiful, the very moment I stepped in the establishment and I announced my presence something happened, something awful my voice to begin to shake and I could hardly hear the words I was saying, a man appeared in front of me to chauffeur me into his office, he said “tell me about yourself”, the most obvious literal question a person should be able to answer, I was not that person my body got hot I mumbled a few shaky words and then I couldn’t for the life of me get a complete sentence out. The guy-god bless him, looked at me puzzled like I had six heads and he continued with his questions, with every question my face felt so flushed and I couldn’t for the life of me answer his questions, questions I definitely knew the answers to. My mind was saying one thing, but it had done another, within about five minutes the questions stopped and I could tell that the man wasn’t interested in me, how could he be, that person he spoke with wasn’t me.

 When I left the building my heart hurt so bad, one more thing to add to the list of lost opportunities due to my anxiety. I walked for a while and came across a restaurant, I needed to gather myself so I stopped in to get a bite to eat as I waited for my food tears begin to fill my eyes, I felt like my mind betrayed me. I asked myself how can I coach women to live life and overcome their pain points when I can’t escape my anxiety. I tried so hard, I did the best I could, why did this happen to me again? I started to gain my composure, I knew I couldn’t feel sorry for myself, self-pity is very unhealthy, so I asked myself what could I take from the situation and the fact is I did do the best I could, I couldn’t foresee what happened, I knew when I woke up that morning it was highly possible that I would have an episode but I still showed up and that spoke volumes to me. I AM A FIGHTER, I AM A RISK-TAKER, I AM A BADASS!

You can be a BADASS

I wrote this, not to brag about being a badass, but because I want you to release your badassness, okay, that may or may not be a word. Whatever! The point is you can be a badass – SO LONG AS YOU KEEP FIGHTING!

We’ve all heard the phrase when life gives you lemons, its time for a martini – or maybe that was just me, Okay – Moving along. I like to think that when life throws obstacles you have to think of it as a challenge, what can you take from it? What tools can be applied to the situation to help you improve yourself in the long run? As we get older we learn so much whether we decided to apply it, that’s totally different, but it’s all within us to do so. The challenge is having the strength to never give up and having the courage to develop strategies even when you have no clue where to start. 

Your badassness (that’s my word, you can take it! ), comes from a place of resiliency. To truly be successful in anything in life you have to commit to bouncing back from obstacles big or small. Understanding that living on purpose is about taking control of what you want and how you get it, not about getting everything you desire, everything may not come to you in an instant, anything truly important takes blood, sweat, and tears. 

As I look towards the future, I look at the big picture I won’t give up on seeking out other business opportunities because there’s something much bigger at stake, the one thing I fight for every day, my peace of mind.

Here’s what I want you to do, define an obstacle in your life and commit to being a fighter, because persistence pays off and when you work hard and reach that turning point you will witness the glory in being a badass.

Talk back to me – tell me about something you have been fighting hard to overcome, how long have you been working towards it or simply comment about my post. I’d love to hear from you.

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